"A-hum, Ill be leaving you now sir."

 

A line, a catch phrase maybe from the Bootsie and Snudge show we came to love? ."The Army Game" ..It was here for the first time (on Black and White T.V), that we were introduced to the thinnest human being (in the form of Leonard Bone) on the planet Earth.

 

No, nothing as good as that, just a snip of conversation that took place between Bill Hayman and yours truly in March of 1963. It started as a simple series of sentences like, "I think we can`t teach you any more Williams", things of that nature ..you know how Masters have this habit of giving meaning with emphasis, the emphasis being placed firmly on the "we" to signify my release from the hive of activity that was Bath Tech (Brougham Hayes branch.)

 

As I turned away from Bill Hayman with a hop skip and jump, my features fixed in the broadest curled up grin that I could muster, I was outside the gate ..and Free .. Free at Last.

 

"You`ll have to get a job you will, I`ll not have you under my feet all day like some I know!"

 

Reassuring words from my Mother, I was introduced to an Olive green suit, white shirt and orange Tootal tie, Mr. Meeching and the Co-op Westgate Buildings branch Bath .. in that order.

 

After a supervised lesson in bowing, forelock touching, and grammatical correction of my application to become enslaved … sorry ..Employed .. at this edifice of a 60`s British retail therapy outlet I was introduced to Harry Leeky in the carpet department. "I`ll show you round and we`ll go and meet the people you will be working with". I noticed that Harry had a limp, and a shoe that was built up. Funny how you remember these little things isn`t it?. Ironic really, as I now have two myself, limp and shoe lift that is. (another story, another day).

 

People that were familiar with the Regency Ballroom in the Sixties will remember "Mad Mick", aka Michael Ringham, he and I became good friends. He worked on the lower ground floor at the back of the store, in the Butchery Department, and we shared the dispatch hideaway with Ted, the dispatcher on our many cigarette breaks.

 

So much for my early "carbon footprint." I soon discovered the " Free" carbon microphone insert in the canteen phone ( well I didn`t pay for it!). It was not long before Harry Leeky discovered it was missing. Yet another bold electrical experiment put on hold!.

 

Jackie, I think her name was Jackie …two things I liked about Jackie, believe me, I tried to get my hands on them for ages! .. she filled, ( almost ) the tobacco kiosk at the front of the store, I could not get her to understand the benefits of having a "toy boy". She being 19 years old, me? … 15, … I was ahead of my time!

 

This happy union of work colleagues worked well for about eight weeks, until I was invited by Kathleen Harper ( Magistrate of the Bath Youth Court ) to partake in one of her free 2 week holidays at a remand centre in darkest Somerset…. Well it was a place I had never heard of .. sounded like it was by the sea.

 

 

Steve Coffin was a fellow school friend and his mother knew my mother, they both worked at the Co-op in Moorland road as cleaners.  Steve and I were in the company of Andy Gould (Bath tech too) and Eric Moody from Twerton.  There we were bored in the brickfields and we hatched a plan for some mischeif, Steve said there was nobody in the School at Dorset Street 'cos it was school holiday time.  We could break in and see what we could do.  We broke in and unbeknown to us the police had been called.  The school was surrounded but Steve and I went over the high wall into the stream that ran down to Hawarden Laundry on the Lower Bristol Road.

 

We thought that we were safe, but Andy and Eric shopped us in and we all ended up going to court for the damage we had done to the school.  We were all remanded to Langport Home for reports, Steve's mum fainted when the Judge (Kathleen Harper) gave out the 2 week remand sentence.  The Van took us from court in our best suits, and we were made to wear shorts and join the other "unfortunates" aged 8 upwards in custody.

 

Holiday was nearly over, hectic days spent in khaki shorts and grey top soaking up Somerset Sun were in the past.  The "Camp" was well supervised with lots of outdoor activities, walks, fruit picking tree felling ..yes Tree Felling!.. One job that was arrranged for us was to chop down this tall tree in the garden. Mr. Peglar, (warden) loved his garden and was most dismayed when a gang of us boys pulled the wrong way and brought the tree down toward the Camp Mangers prize flower garden. Mr. Peglar was now not a happy bunny, no evening meal that night campers! ..  Oh dear, what next?

 

Mr Thomas (The Tank) from Wales was a friendly assistant Manager, he was a stickler for hygiene and always hanging around the shower block checking peoples hands. He awarded a special prize to anyone with nicotine stains on their fingers. (The sort of treat that Bill Hayman used to dish out to a few special boys.)  The last days dawn broke and wearily we boarded the coach, to journey back home to our families and the reality of life in the early Sixties. My first brush, with authority One, .. Nil Desparandum (sp) for yours truly.

 

"Mrs. Wait said that Tony needs some help."

 

My Mother again, this time a divorced friend who lived in Stanley Road West, (just up the road from Bath Tech, over the railway bridge, first right turn.). Tony, (her Son) was 21 years old, had served his apprenticeship and was gainfully employed at Ryland Huntley 15 Old Bond Street Bath as a Television Engineer.

 

Mother went on, (as usual) "I mentioned to her that you "dabbled" with electrical things all the time". My "dabbling" at that time had included the discovery that discarded 90v H.T. batteries could transform a " Litz" would I.F. radio coil from a pink pancake disc shape into a brown cone of glowing cotton in about 30 seconds.

 

Also that the removal of all the valves from our B. & W. rental T.V., (kindly provided by "Shearns" shop opposite the Co-op near the Oval). This action resulted in bright blue lights emanating from the back of said set when it was reunited with 240V after a miscalculated "shuffle" of B9A valve bases (by yours truly) had taken place. These things from one so young!, a prodigy! (thought my Mother). I was seconded as Van Boy, or "improver", (technical term made up by Len Morris chief engineer Ryland Huntley)

 

Tony drove (apart from the Green & Gold sign written Bedford works van), a Series 7 split screen Jaguar of monstrous proportions, Black with big headlamps, was he wealthy or what!. I also became envious of his monaural twin EL84 valve push pull output Hi Fi unit, Goldring transcription turntable, and the old Projection T.V. cabinet fitted with Goodmans bass, mid range speakers & "trebax" horn tweeter.

 

This lump of Sixties technology was dragged outside that year in honour of the "Fab Fours" passing along the G.W.R. line. Their current hit "She loves You" was shared with them, and all the neighbours of Victoria Terrace on the opposite side of the railway line.

 

The year was spent carrying 2V accumulators, T.V. sets, radiograms and countless valves and components to and from the van. The only respite was a chance to chat up the girls who worked in "Cawardines" coffee house next door and invest in a collection of 45s.

 

"Music was my first love" .. but I was about to meet the love of my life. I had visited her parents house on the London road during the course of my work. The surname was an unusual one, to be introduced to a girl with the same surname a few weeks later placed me in a position of power when it came to the chat up line.

 

Well, for me to know the name of her budgie, what record player (and records) she owned, and where she lived in the finest detail!. I was in!. (for nearly two glorious years at least ..She was not the one I married, but the one I never forgot.)

 

Skill set so far then …. Carpets are called "cloth", 80% wool 20% nylon are the hardest wearing, horse hair underlay is best. How to cut and roll Linoleum without cracking, "copydex" glue is very sticky. How to use brown paper and string effectively. Avoid older women. Trees are very big and move fast, avoid shower blocks. Battery acid kills suits, all valves are different, TV sets are very heavy. Girls taste better after dark.

 

 

Char Walla .. what a wonderful Empire we had , it sprawled over the map like a carpet of pink .. heady days ! .. even India went ..but the tea pickers from Ceylon stayed longer ……. She sat there knitting , as always ..our Dot, apron on squiffy, (as always) .. fag on, (as always), but something was up, you could tell …. But you couldn`t put your finger on it.

 

It took a while, but it came to me in the end, as I swept across the carpet samples with my broom … Mr. Meeching was in his office talking with Ted, organising the deliveries for the day .. she`s not humming .. that`s it ! .. no music ..that`s not like our Dot …

 

I made busy in her direction, steam everywhere, I could see through the staff room door that things weren`t going well for Dot, she`d dropped her holdall and her wool was all over the floor. I checked that no one was looking my way and in I went, broom in hand … " Wassup Dot ? ", a simple question, but met with an atomic response …" What`s it to you sonny ! " … I was new to the job and had only just left School , so I was still a bit wary around older people .. " Nothing Dot.. .. just saw your bag on the floor all spilled out… that`s all ".

 

I swept on through the room, " Sorry Son ", greeted me as I turned to leave and go on my way, " it`s just that nobody notices me in here .. ..they`re all too busy rushing to and fro and they treat me like a dogs body…. until they do wants their tea that is ! " .. I could see she was upset, so I cracked a little joke, hoping this would raise her spirits …she just went on dusting and polishing … no success .. try again later..

 

"Dot .. Dot?"… " Yes son, what is it ? " .. " Dot I was wondering, do you ever knit bobble hats? .. only I go fishing a bit and me head gets cold of an evening, a bobble hat, if I brought the wool, would you knit me one ? .. aaww go on Dot .. you know you`re good at it .. I`ll pay you for doing it "…. She perked her head up a bit and eventually said "well, how soon would you want it then?" .. Cautiously, I responded with "up to you really, Dot, but sometime before the winter ends would be good " … she hummed into life and looked into her big deep old bag .. "how about this colour then ?" .. she held up a skein of Blue Wool .. "Nice one Dot, goes with my jacket " ….Turning away from me she said, "I`ll make a start tomorrow …". She slowly went down the steps to the ground floor to see Jackie in the Kiosk to get her ciggies for the day, as she went I could swear she was humming " Colonel Bogie " .. but I wasn`t really sure …

 

  She reminded me of my Gran..                                                to 1964

 

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