"Bedlam and mayhem .. two of a kind"

 

Liberty, the word used so much by our overseas cousins, the Americans…they had the French stutue, they who inhabit the land of the free.

We owed a huge debt to these people during, and for a very long time after the Second World War. lots of sweet things came our way from their shores across the seas; along with the "G.I`s": The American soldiers.

 

One of these things was “Malt Extract“ (a food suppliment) in a big, round, deep, dark brown jar, gold coloured screw-on lid. Stiff and sticky brown colour, kind`a sweet it was, ....but not ever so. It needed a long spoon to get right down to the bottom of it.

 

It was kept in the cupboard next to Dads chair in the back room. High up,  in a glass fronted wall cupboard. Along with the grey metal "Fussells" Dried milk tins with the blue label. We used to get this dried milk at the maternity clinic in the Sawclose are of Bath. I used to go with Mum to collect this, and concentrated Orange juice in bottles at the clinic.

 

The Extract bottle was right next to the old glass sweet jars with the liquorice comfits and liquorice root sticks in. “Open up now, don`t be a sissy” said Mum. “But I don`t like it mum“. Brand new words, two, three and four, all in one go. I was beginning to make short cuts already.

 

I was to be a copier of words for the first year or so. Sister Rosie always said these particular words at this time of night, so I thought, if it`s O.K. for her...I`ll say them too …

 

“Now look, this`ll put hairs on your chest , and you`ll grow up to be a big boy, won`t you ?.. (how did I know what a hairy chest was …let alone want to grow up to have one !!!). I sucked on the spoonfull of "Malt Extract" until it was all gone..but some of it became stuck to the roof of my mouth, and Rosie was pulling faces at me ..  trying to make me laugh.

 

I got it all down eventually, then came the spoonful of "Syrup of Figs" liquid (another food suppliment that also helped you "poo" regularly). Mum gave us these things every night for our early years in life ..this was a ritual just before bedtime.

 

“Come here a minute will you, and leave those buttons alone on your Liberty Bodice … we`ll never get you to two to bed at this rate!“. (Right, so you`re learning then Mum?).

 

The "Liberty Bodice" was a stiff cloth garment that you put on over your head. It came down to your knees.  It had no sleeves (a bit like a vest, but thicker). The top part had white rubber buttons to make it a good fit around your neck, about 5 or 6 of them.

 

We all struggled to get up the stairs. I was in front, dragging my orange coloured teddy bear (one worn ear, one black eye missing) by my side.

Rosie had her big Cinderella doll behind her. "Bump, bump" it went up the stairs. Mum scolded her by saying “Rosie !!, don`t you break that dolls head open again mind !! “ …(Cinderella had already been to the Dolls Hospital in Holloway Road once for fractures to her china head !)

 

“Right, now go straight to sleep, and NO talking mind !“ .. the dark curtains were drawn across in front of the nets, it was still light outside  .. (British Summertime, ….7.00 o`clock in the evening).

 

The wind that came in through the sash window blew the curtains slightly, and the room went light and dark every few seconds or so, it wasn’t too bad when you rolled over to face the wall .. but I couldn`t go too sleep, not just yet, could I? it was far too early …

 

Mum tucked me in and said goodnight,  as she left the room and drew the doorway curtain along behind her she said “sleep tight“ …. Weird words .. “sleep”, I was o.k. with, “tight” was what the sheets were …. 

 

I had to wait 17 years before I was allowed to really sleep tight! I rolled onto my right side to look at the big picture above the fireplace. It was of a woman in a long dress, smiling, a collie dog was sat at her feet. The Dog seemed to be looking at me...

 

“Night mum“.. I heard Rosie say as she snuggled down under the sheets after being tucked in …. Mums footsteps faded away, and the daylight began to go a little bit too. I looked at the box on top of the wardrobe. I couldn`t make out what it was on the side of it, looked like a picture of something we had a bottle of in the kitchen.

 

“Francis? .. you still awake ? .. (Rosie got tucked in last `cos she was older) it was only a few minutes ago that Mum had tucked her in. Rosies bedroom was at the top of the stairs, mine was along the landing a bit, next to it.

 

“yes, I`m trying to go asleep !“  I thought … Rosie, (full of her new vocabulary) was keen to try it out on someone, the "captive audience" someone being me.

 

“What shall we talk about then ?“ she said in her most interesting voice. Rosie was learning more new words all the time now .. I just made the right sort of noises at the right time, she seemed to know what I meant...

 

I was soon nodding off , (the flickering sunlight show soon saw to that), dreaming of bees and dogs, flies and Tizer .. the Cod liver Oil lay heavy on my stomach as I slowly drifted away ..

 

If only I could get to reach the multicoloured Liquorice Comfit sweets, or maybe a piece of homemade rolled up fudge covered in icing sugar in the Fussells tin.. I might be big enough soon,

 

Tomorrow, perhaps ....

 

 

"It`s a Gas Man … Words R Nearly Us"

 

 

In the Kitchen we had the gas ring and the copper boiler on three legs, the one with the wooden lid, the scrubbing board on top .. the clothes tongs hung on the right hand side.

 

In the outhouse was the green cast iron mangle, big square key handle .. two wheels to turn up and down to set the roller gap. It took two kids to turn it (on a good day), .. the squeezed water eventually fell into the old small oval galvanised tin bath below .. this soapy water was usually thrown on to the cabbages to keep the blackfly off .. either that, or it was because they happened to be closest to the mangle.

 

I`ll never know which .. we had some Mint growing by the back door as well .. that got a bit of suds now and again. Mum had planted it right by the coal house door … near the water down pipe from the roof.

 

Wash day was always steamy, noisy, spectacular. Spectacular, because if the line was ever  going to break, it was when the big grey blankets with the red edges were thrown over the line .. “ get the bloody prop quick Dad, the sheets are on the ground again !!! “ .. Mum cries this message of woe from the other end of the garden.

 

I was busy, in the kitchen, busy watching the man with the shiny red pliers .. he`d put them down and then looked away for just a moment .. this was my cue ..

 

Straight in, in  like a rocket I was … back out again down the hallway to where the pram was stood under the stairs … big brown curvy pram , shiny chrome handle, the one we got the coal in with , just up the lane where the railway siding was at Melcombe Road .. right next to the Co-op Dairy , the little electric wagons lived there .. they hummed as well … when they were charging their batteries up …

 

I got under the stairs as far as I could where all the junk was kept .. there , that should do it .. they`ll never find them there ..

 

“Right `o luv It`s ready, do you wanna give it a try?”. (Masculine words, loud and just like my Dads). I rushed back down the hallway …innocent looks all round .. the switch went “Clack“ on the wall as the Electrician switched the new cookers power on.

 

Big black bakelite knobs with numbers on, a square block of metal and a round one. A rectangular hole for things, with a square door attached to a round knob .. bloody stiff. I couldn`t move it !!, what use was this?  I thought.

 

It hummed .. yeh, hummed for a while ..then it smelled. ”That`s only the newness coming off luv“   … said the electrician”.  Right then Luv, if you could sign here I`ll be off .. now where did I put my pliers?  “Francis !! .. come here!! . have you seen the mans pliers ?

 

I shook my head..looked at floor …avoiding eye contact. “Little bugger , he must have put them somewhere, hang on, I`ll have a shufty for them, what do they look like ?" The Electrician with a mournful tone to his voice said “about 6 inches long .. red handles .. sort of pliers lookin“

 

The voices trailed off as I went upstairs. I`ll decoy Mum away from the hallway .. that`ll do it. Mum was shouting loudly now, “ Francis !!! .. where are you ? ..come down here at once !!!, or I`l tan your ass for you .. be quick .. now !!

 

Trouble , big trouble, legs already sore, it wasn`t sunburn, I can tell you.

(not that I knew what sunburn was anyway).

Mum turned to face the Electrician (who by now was in the Hallway), "I`m so sorry, Mr." The man spoke again with a sense of urgency, “Well look, I`ve got to get on Mrs. Williams, if you come across them, let us know at the office please …. I`ll call back if I`m in the area  in the next few days”

 

Some chance I thought, they`ll be in the garden by then  … I looked down into the Hallway again and thought .. "hey`,who`s moved my dog on wheels? .. It was here last time I saw it !"

 

“Mum .. whats for dinner?, I`m hungry!“. It was Rosie she`d come in from the garden. Mum replied, “bread and pullit, same as always .. that`s what ..Francis!,where did you put the man`s pliers?… I`ll tan your ass for you me lad“

 

So that was it, Gas to Electric in two easy lessons .. no more popping and spluttering .. just hums now ..  I wonder what you can do with pliers?..

 

I`ll ask, when I can talk ..     

 

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